I have often wondered why other people were so hard to get along with such that I had few friends. I found plenty of reasons why they were so wrong in opinions, actions, and in how they dealt with others. The only problem was that I was the one with few friends, not those around me. Sure, some of them were no better off than I was, but I had to admit that I was, in general, the oddball. When it came to relationships, I was ignorant and lonely.

I often commented to my wife that I had no idea why she ever married me because I was so hard to get along with. I think that she must have questioned that decision at times as well, though to her credit, she never said that to me. I was miserable. I knew I wanted more from life, but it seemed that no matter what I tried, I always ended up feeling like the outsider. I had a horrible track record with relationships. I was in need of a major overhaul, but I was unaware of what it was supposed to be.

I would think that some of my friends would have said that I was likable and that they enjoyed being around me. Ah, those saintly few…

For me to start to realize where the problem originated, I had to go through some transformative experiences. Some of them were really fun and uplifting, but many of them were based in learning some hard realities about myself and how I looked at life. I assumed that the problem was always someone else, but I learned that I had been wrong. If I wanted a different result in my life, I had to change. When I came to realize that, it was a bittersweet experience. I was happy to have some real understanding and clarity that I had never had before, but it tore at my heart as well.

Today, I often hear people say, “But if they would only change, then I’d be happy.” It seems like the solution, but I have found from my own experience that it just doesn’t work that way. It has gotten to the point that when I hear that, I find it laughable. I’m careful to not laugh at people, but when I have that experience, I immediately go back to my past mistakes and just want to chuckle at the notion that someone else changing to make me happy just can’t work. The reason is that others cannot make me happy. Happiness is something that I choose into. To the converse, misery is also something that I choose into.

My mindset is the key to how my life results are created. I want to express to you my gratitude for your friendship. You are reading this either because you agreed to look at it, or you are seeking some answers for yourself. I hope that I can help provide some answers to questions as I endeavor to share with you the great knowledge and experience I have gained on my path to becoming connected and caring about people and life. I hope that you will continue on the journey with me.

Foremost, if you are feeling down about your relationships, I ask that you first forgive yourself and then look for opportunities to make some simple changes that can greatly effect your results. I know that if I could change my relationships for the better, you can too. I invite you to start trying today, and the first step is to recognize your own weaknesses and to forgive yourself.

To your happiness and connected life,