Have you experienced falling into the parent trap? Do your parents set you off on certain topics? Do you avoid getting together with your parents because you “know” that a topic is bound to come up? Finding the right balance of love and acceptance can be difficult.

One of the best practices that I have learned to improve relationships is to set my intent in my interactions with other. When it comes to family it seems that it is just not possible. How do you set an intent for a meeting with a parent who gets to choose the topic? Choose for yourself how you will create that interaction.

Whenever I get ready to visit my parents, I visualize the experience. I’m not trying to force them into something, I am just putting a belief into how I see that meeting will play out. I have a right to hope for something that I want, so there is no problem with putting an intent into it. It is not an expectation, so if things don’t go as I intend, there is no disappointment.

Planning the Parent Adventure

When I set an intent, I start planning an adventure. Can I get it to happen? I want loving and peaceful interactions with my parents, so I visualize that when I arrive at their home, we have a warm embrace. Our conversation is positive and lifts all of us. Topics that could turn negative are held at the right place and we go on to another topic. Advice given is fair and loving. I assume no ill intent on my parents’ part.

I look to keep myself focused so I don’t slip into topics that I don’t want to discuss. I’m talking about topics that just aren’t worth my time discussing. Maybe there are topics I’m uncomfortable with that need to be discussed. I need to be responsible for my life, and I should own when I am not living up to standards in my family. My parents have a right to discuss those topics. But, mom or dad has no right to harp on something that was discussed before. Adults should agree to disagree.

What if your mom doesn’t agree to disagree? Set the intention that she can get over it. If you are carrying the thought that it will come up again, you are bringing the topic with you. Clean up your thoughts and stop harboring the ill will that you expect in the conversation. When you start bringing positive feelings to your gatherings, you will quickly find better results.

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Be in Control

Choose now to be the one who improves your relationships. Don’t wait for someone else to do it for you and you will find more power in your life as you take charge. Too often we set an expectation that someone will do for us what we can do for ourselves. Be the one to lead and enjoy the results just as I am and as a result, I know you will be happier.