Anger

Is it healthy to have anger? For that matter, is it OK to be sad, disappointed, cold, unwilling, embarrassed, or scared? If it is not acceptable, why do those emotions come up? Does it make us bad?

The human experience includes emotions covering the spectrum. The point is to learn how to feel those emotions in such a way that we become a balanced, likable person. I really want to be lovable, but let’s just go with likable for now.

I have fond memories of several men who had a major impact on my life. They were teachers and leaders that I truly wanted to follow. OK, my scout leader tended to get lost easily, but you know what I mean. They had character that made them stand out. When I think of people who are feeling and caring, I think of them. They imbued qualities I wanted in my life. However, they did have their moments of anger, frustration, despair, and fear. Even with that, was it OK to look up to them? Yes! Considering how they dealt with those emotions, it made them powerful.

Knowing When to Feel

At what point is it fine to feel or not feel an emotion? Maybe you should stop worrying about having an emotion and start learning how you deal with that emotion in a safe and meaningful way. It used to be that I would explode at my kids, or my dear wife, because I hadn’t learned to express my frustrations in a careful and harmless method. I just let it come out wherever and whenever the emotion was triggered. Perhaps the hardest part of the lessons I learned from those days comes from the looks on their faces. The fear, the sadness, and the disdain that it caused were not worth the momentary release.

How many times have you regretted words you spoke, looks you gave, or actions you perpetrated when you could not master your emotions? Was the emotion bad, or was it your reaction to that emotion? Emotions come in layers. Embarrassment can lead to regret. Regret begets anger. Anger breeds fear.

What to Do With the Emotion

I often write about emotions and the choices we have when they come up. You can spew that emotion all over another person. Admit it, you have done it. We all have. What if you had a better way to let that emotion out? What if it was in a controlled environment. And if it was when you knew you could deal with other emotions that might come up as you let it go, would you be more willing to let it come fully out?

An unexpressed emotion will weigh upon you. It will start to suffocate you. Even joy, unexpressed, can cause you to feel down. Learn to express yourself safely. It will help your life be more free and you will move toward your results faster. I write out my negative feelings each day. I pick one and write out the emotion I am feeling. Then I tear it to little pieces. I let it go. I hold conversations with others who aren’t there just to express the feelings I am having. (Additionally, I then seek forgiveness and/or offer forgiveness.) Listening to some sad music and crying, or doing a workout to some angry music (with safe lyrics) and getting it out helps a lot. As a spiritual man, I also pray.

What Now?

You can find the methods that help you. They are endless and can be fun. Others can be heart-wrenching but oh so healing. I suggest you try something today. What can it hurt if you already are hurting? I know from my own experience that it will help. If you want help seeing what you can do, I have an audio training on learning to see that can help you with ideas. Or, if you want personal help, I provide mentoring to assist people in getting to the results they want faster. Take the opportunity if you feel that it fits you at this time. Regardless, do something. It will help you and those around you.