Sharing What?

I once was so happy with something going on in my life that I was sharing it with everyone. And I pretty much did that, unfortunately. Sometimes it is better to read how others are feeling before you share too much.

OK, I think I have done this more than once. There was the time I was joyously announcing that my wife was pregnant, only to find out that one of the ladies in the group had just miscarried. Or, how about the time I was talking about a great time I had with my parents when I learned that the other person had just lost her mom? Uh, sorry…

I always felt awkward and stupid in those situations. There is nothing wrong with being joyous and wanting to share that joy with others, but who and when you share with can have an impact on others. That impact is driven by their perspective. Sometimes you find their perspective out after your sharing is done. Honestly, there is no way to be perfect in timing, but I have found through tough and embarrassing situations that it is easier to not share until I learn more about other people first.

How Do You See Others’ Perspective?

This is going to be one of those “no duh” moments for many of you, but I want to help those who, like me, just don’t see how to see where other people are at in a situation. People often accused me of being self-centered. They were right, but perhaps not in the way that those throwing out the accusation thought. I had a problem with self-esteem. I wanting acceptance, I tried to impress them. Who always dominated the conversation? Me.

It was painful for me to be in group settings because of the worry I carried. I beat myself up all the time. Who talked too much? Me. Who said stupid things to one up someone else? Me. Who was feeling disliked? Me.

What I learned from these experiences was to listen more, but I seldom did because I was insecure. Until I started to feel comfortable with myself, I did not listen.

When you are concerned with what others are thinking, you are not truly listening to them. Your focus is on yourself, so you will not see their perspective.

Sharing With Others By Focusing On Them

If you really want to share your best with other people, share your attention. When you give of yourself, they will feel it. They may not express it. Stuck in their own thoughts and insecurities, they may not express their gratitude for your caring about them. Choose to accept that they like you and are happy to be with you. Even if they aren’t, it is still a better story to live by as you continue to improve yourself. Eventually, you will find more people who do like you and are willing to include you because you hope the best of them. A smile on your face will go a long way to helping others feel better, and they will open up more. Then you will know if you can safely share your joyous news.

— See Letting Go of Defeat or Leaving Leaves for more ideas on how to change your perspective of yourself. —

Taking time for others’ feelings will help you have hope that people are good. They are good. I know you are too. Life doesn’t have to be hard. Choose to listen more and like yourself too.