What is Beyond?

Have you ever had one of those people in your life that just seems to rub everyone wrong? How do you find that one thing beyond what everyone sees that can change your opinion?

One of those people in my life was my high school science teacher. He stood about 5′ 4″ and weighed about 250 lbs. This man wore wire rim round glasses and always wore the same two or three mustard brown or olive green shirts. He spoke with a bit of an accent, though he was born and raised in America. His name was Igor Valov. Students feared and mostly dreaded him. Other teachers seemed to be indifferent to him at best.

There was an interesting thing about Igor when it came to my relationship with him. I could tell that he cared about me. It didn’t make sense because everyone knew that he didn’t like anyone. At least, that is what everyone said. Perhaps it was wishful thinking, but he really did seem to care.

Misguided Encouragement

Perhaps Igor liked me because I showed intelligence that he felt was worth nurturing. I had no idea how to get along with others, but I could understand science. I enjoyed geology and chemistry, so that pleased him. When I did not measure up in class, he would let me know, and I would respond by knuckling down and picking up the slack. I also like chess. The only club Igor had anything to do with was the chess club, or as he called it, “The Young Men’s Marching Chowder Society.” Apparently girls were not acceptable as chess players, though I sure met some good ones.

I latched on to his encouragement, but is was misguided. I wanted to have friends and develop relationships. Igor seemed to know nothing of that, and his results showed that. His closest friend was his dog, Belle.

Nagging Wonder

It nagged me for a long time why I should have any kind of a connection to Igor. He had retired after my junior year and I seldom ran into him after that. He was willing to sponsor me for acceptance to the Coast Guard Academy, which I almost took him up on. A few years after I married, he died, and I didn’t give him much thought, though he did come up in discussions about strange school teachers.

Nevertheless, he would come to mind on occasion, and it would prick at me. What was it? I needed to understand him better.

Well, I love family history, so I started digging. I knew some facts about him. I knew he grew up in the LA area of California and that he went to college at UC Berkeley. He said he only had a TV in his home once, when he was married to his wife Tanya.

I started digging and found that in 1940 he lived with his parents who were divorced. They were both immigrants. His wife died only a few years after they married. I had heard that he was heartbroken when she died. Now I understood more of why. I understood that he probably had difficulty connecting with people because he had not connected well with his own troubled family.

Take Aways From Going Beyond

Suddenly, I cared a lot more deeply about this difficult man by looking beyond his veneer. He passed on, but I learned some important lessons from my experience with him. Anyone that you meet is worth getting to know. What seems troubling may be a great story that gives insight into that person that can help you care deeply about him. Don’t dismiss people because they seem to be difficult. That applies to your own family line as well. Get to know people, and you may just find that they mean a lot more to you than you realized.

You can learn more about my own story of learning to love my grandfather in Stories of My Grandfather.