Lingering Problems?

Do you have a problem or an uncomfortable habit in your family that is lingering for generations? Does it seem that no one can get past it? Have you struggled with this generational issue and felt frustrated or angry?

I have heard and seen many people who feel buried under generational issues that they give up trying. I have found some in my own generational lines. They can be pretty hard to accept as something that I am dealing with, yet they are there.

I have personally seen the effects of feelings of abandonment cause disconnects in the generations of my family. My father never knew his father until well into adulthood. My father has valiantly taken steps to change that feeling, yet I can still see its affects. It hurts relationships.

We each have choices to make in situations like this. You have anger or sadness that lingers over the thoughts of being abandoned. You can charge into life trying to avoid all feeling. I have noticed these patterns in the ancestors I have learned about. And, as I have done so, I have found common threads of hurt and pain that keep shaping similar behaviors.

Choosing Change

How then, do you change the patterns? Is there a way that you can responsibly take on the challenge and turn it into a strength?

I dealing with issues in my family, I have practiced several ways of dealing with such frustration or pain. The first is common—avoidance. How often have you just said to yourself. “I’m not dealing with this right now,” and then tried to hide in some other activity while emotionally charged? I know I have done it a lot. I didn’t know better, so that was how I coped. It was a momentary respite, but not really satisfying or effective. It is kicking the can down the road.

You also have the option of exploding. You let the anger or frustration build up until you can no longer cap the well of feelings. This method really hurts others. All the ugliness that you are feeling spews out onto someone else.

Another method is to process the feelings. Look inside yourself and determine your own motivation. This is very effective for yourself. It also is a step toward the method I really have found to be most effective.

I like to go back through my generations and identify the points that strengthened the feelings of abandonment. You can do this with any issue you have that lingers in your family.

Learning To Look For The Catalyst

In following the trail of the problem through your generations, you can see the affects. You come to understand the pain others have felt. It becomes a path to compassion and clarity. As you find those who may have first confronted the problem and not dealt with it well, you come to understand them and the problem.

The key component is seeking understanding and forgiveness. Forgiveness will help to clear the lingering problem from your heart. It will allow you, and your family to move on from the problem. You don’t have to hold on to the problems of the past. You can let them go and move forward with confidence.

I have found that it is also great to find the positive in your ancestors. Claim those attributes. You get to choose how your life will be. I, personally, choose the best hat my family has to offer, and more.

If you want to know more of the process, take a look at Stories of My Grandfather.