Sad Moments Will Come

This weekend, some great messages really uplifted me. It was thrilling to experience them and know that I can be better. Yet, I felt sad.

I have had some things weighing on me as I look to help lift others, and I felt a lot of emotions wrapped in those thoughts. Sadness was one of the main feelings.

I didn’t find the feeling disturbing. It seemed like a friend who had come to visit. It reminded me of what I want to accomplish and the good I want to do to help others. The feeling was motivating.

Yes, you read that correctly, sadness was motivating.

Experiencing Emotions Leads To Perspective

Too often, we hear that we shouldn’t cry. Maybe the message that being angry is bad. Perhaps you were told to stop being so happy. I’ve been guilty of telling people to stuff their emotions. I got some really bad advice when I was younger in regards to emotions. Following that advice was damaging to my health and growth as I stuffed the emotions I felt. It led to depression, anxiety, fear, hate, and lack of self confidence.

The other dangerous side of stuffing those emotions is the sudden release when we least expect them to show up. Anger can be particularly damaging.

>> More on Anger <<

I am a man of faith, and I have often seen people in church crying and apologizing profusely for showing their emotions. They work so hard to stifle the emotions and then proceed to share a heartless message, having taken all the emotion out of it.

I have seen people hold back their joy in a success, or that of another. Sometimes that makes you feel down. It is like going to a sporting event and having everyone sit on their hands and not say anything above 80 decibels. It is dull and not very energizing.

>> More on Joy <<

Learning to safely express your emotions actually helps you see life events with greater perspective because you are no longer looking at life with all those bottled up emotions. If you feel down, you can express it and then understand how someone else may be feeling. I you don’t express it, you will find yourself getting triggered by others who are down. Have you ever noticed how easily some people get triggered to anger by another angry person, yet don’t get angry around those who are not angry, even though they may be in similar circumstances?

What Makes You Sad?

I have learned that what makes one person feel sad does not have the same effect on another. As I work as opening myself up to feeling more, there are different things that cause me to feel sadness. For me, the number one thing that brings up the feeling is death. As I analyze the reason, I have found that it is not directly related to past experience. I never attended a funeral until I was married. I had never had a close relative pass away. There were few people close to me who died while I was in my youth. The closest person was my physician who died in Nepal in a traffic accident. The whole community turned out for a memorial service a month or so after her death.

I really believe that for myself, I have a close affinity with my ancestors. They do not want to be forgotten, and I have promised to remember them. The idea of people losing connection through death brings me to tears.

This really came clear to me when I watched two movies. We chose to not watch R rated movies in my household. Since I married, I have only seen two, and both impacted me tremendously. I remember my wife being very angry when I watched the uninterrupted broadcast of Schindler’s List on TV. I felt drawn to experience the film. It was so powerful, I cried through most of it. Sometimes I sobbed uncontrollably. The other movie was Saving Private Ryan.

Though both films were shocking, I cried because of the sacrifice and loss. I also cried because of the apathy of the people who turned a blind eye to what they sensed was happening, but didn’t want to admit to it. It strikes me deeply because my grandparents and their families were part of that experience.

Themes In Life Help You Find Your Place

I believe that having identified what makes me melancholy helps me to be more motivated. I see better what I want to do to alleviate the suffering of others.

If you want to find your motivation, find what moves you. I am sitting here listening to my sad songs list as I write this post. It is not what I normally do when writing, but for this message, it is helping me focus what I can do to help you. (I use that playlist to experience sadness on my terms so I can deal with sad situations better when they occur.)

Perhaps the emotion that really drives you is different, but regardless, don’t ignore them. They are meant to be experienced in life. Learn from them and then share what you learn to help others.