5 minutes

Realize the Uncomfortable Serves You

When you are a leader, you get to make decisions that affect others. At times, you come to the uncomfortable realization that you made a mistake. More than the mistake, this moment is a pivot point that will help your organization grow, or it will damage it. It may also cause you to be regarded more highly, or it will diminish your value to others.

You may be wondering what it is that causes the discomfort. Perhaps you just know what it is and are wondering what you can learn from this essay. If you are curious, read on. If you aren’t, read on anyway. I may dash a perception or two.

That unease you feel may come from fear of how others perceive you. That age old feeling of being naked in front of the crowd is quite debilitating. Sometimes it comes from a feeling of dejection at not being perfect. It is not necessarily being in front of others, but seeing yourself that causes it to feel oppressive. Our expectations in life, when not met, tend to tear us down.

As we learn to find the value in the uncomfortable, we gain strength and perspective. The value often comes from being vulnerable. Most people do not like to be vulnerable, and we have been taught to not show it. Making a mistake is often rewarded with ridicule or just as bad, pity. Because of this negative stigma, we shun admitting mistakes, so we miss opportunities to learn. The opportunities may be to learn humility, or gain greater insights into something we thought we knew.

Stubbornness and Pride

Let me share an example. When I was in high school, my social sciences teacher would divide the class in two to have current event quizzes. I was a news junkie and was always providing the answers for my team. I took great pride in my superior knowledge and it was a problem for the teacher, Mr. Fowles. His intention was to get the students more engaged by providing a non-threatening competition. I didn’t help with that, but my feelings of inferiority to my peers clouded my ability to clearly see the lesson.

He eventually put me in the middle as a standalone third team. I never feared losing, but one day, he asked a question that caused a bit of a stir. He asked where a top secret stealth aircraft had recently crashed. I said it was in Nevada, and he said I was wrong and that it was in California. We went on for several minutes and he finally acquiesced and allowed me the point.

I was so concerned about looking like I had made a mistake that I bulldozed his lesson. I damaged our friendship, and I alienated all my peers. We were both so concerned about not looking bad that we both missed the lesson. He had stated that the plane had crashed in the Mojave Desert. I agreed, but we could not come to an agreement in which part. The problem was that it had in fact crashed in the Sequoia National Forest in California.

The lesson I clearly see today that I completely missed back then was that it would have benefited me to admit that I was wrong, or would at least defer to the teacher so we could research it further, wherein we would have found our common mistake. Instead, I solidified my erroneous mindset that admitting mistakes showed weaknesses. This was taught to me well by my grandfather. I was unwilling to feel discomfort.

Learn to See Discomfort as an Opportunity to Grow from Vulnerability

I have been in a lot of meetings, retreats, and masterminds in my life. One of the key factors in what I see as most valuable to me and to others in those gatherings was vulnerability. Once one person shows it and it is accepted and praised, it is easy for others to follow, and magic can happen. Too often, I was the one rejecting that opportunity. I had little humility until I became an entrepreneur. I had little choice because I didn’t know what I was doing. It presented an opportunity to change or completely fail.

Humility is a superpower that goes unrecognized by most. Being humble is almost always uncomfortable to most people until they learn to practice it regularly. It becomes a refreshing trait as you learn its power.

Being willing to open up allows others to understand you better, and as they open up, you can understand them better. That creates connection. I have experienced it many times that when someone opens up and is vulnerable, those hearing them gain more respect and compassion for them. They start to look to the one opening up for inspiration and advice.

Choose Today to Feel Some Discomfort

Reading about being vulnerable or feeling discomfort is great, but what will you choose to do about it today? I recommend taking a quick inventory of your relationships, tasks, and intentions.

As you make your lists, ask yourself what one thing you can do today to be a little more uncomfortable. Perhaps it will be to admit a need that you are embarrassed to open up about. Maybe you just need to tell someone about a mistake that has been bothering you.

Take a step. It will probably cause some uncomfortable moments, but you will still be standing when you are done. You will have new strength to do things that seem hard, and you may find some emotions that seem debilitating. It is all a learning process and a way to find a path to the more grounded, confident, and caring you.

You will be a better, more confident, and a much more trusted leader. You owe it to yourself, and those you work and live with deserve it too.