Do You Have Brightness?

Too often we think that we have nothing to offer others. Your life might seem gloomy, but that is only because you do not see the brightness in yourself. I lived a life of constant gloom. I have no idea how my loving wife put up with me. My kids suffered under my constant cloud.

You might be saying to yourself, “Man what a downer.” Though it is true that others suffered under my cloud, I changed, and those who felt the affects can see the difference, if they choose to see it. I have learned so much from who I was and who I am becoming that I honor where I’ve been. It is not easy to admit to others the pain you feel, but is harder to let it go if you will not.

Opening Up

I watched my grandfather, Fred, learn to let go of his pain. He served in the Wehrmacht, or German Army, during World War II. He fought on the Russian front. There, he experienced pain that I hope I never have to endure. I remember as a child that I knew he had fought in the war, but I really knew very few details. As I grew, he started to share more with the family, but it wasn’t until I was a teenager that he started to share some the hardest experiences that he ever shared.

I remember one experience with him that unnerved me a bit. He and I went to Lava Beds National Monument just south of the Oregon border in northern California. I was mostly interested the history behind one of the last Indian wars in the United States, but we also did a bit of spelunking in the lava tubes. There was one tube that we took from one end to the other. It was fairly lengthy. We had to take our own lights, and we had not prepared well. We ended up with one weak flashlight for both of us to see by. Looking down at the light by our feet, we could barely see the path. We knew that if that light died, we were in trouble.

My grandfather started to get uncharacteristically anxious. I had never seen him like that before. By the time we made it out of the cave, exhaustion overcame him, but also relief. He didn’t say what was bothering him at the time, but it wasn’t too long after that experience that it became clear to me.

Fear And Despair

He shared a story of how his unit was under attack by overwhelming numbers of Russians. The Germans had better arms, equipment, and training. The battle was lopsided. His unit lost one man who disobeyed orders and lost his life due to his negligence. The Russians lost hundreds.

That story struck me. There was more to it that made it more tragic, but it set up the key component of his fear. The bunker they fought from save his life. At another time, a bunker almost cost him his life. The bunker had a single post in the center that held the roof up. With dirt piled on top, the roof held a lot of weight. A Russian shell hit the center of the roof and caused the post to shatter, leaving the roof to collapse into the center. He and his squad mates sat, trapped on the outer edges of the bunker, in the dark, for a couple of days.

The darkness of that cave had reminded him of that trapped feeling. It was frightening to feel that again. He did not choose to break down. There was a goal, and he kept going. Despair did not rule him. I learned to respect him more because of that experience. He let his brightness shine. He was courageous.

Giving To Others

He taught me a lot about how to give to others in times of trouble. I honor my grandfather for the love he showed me. It wasn’t perfect, but I felt it.

As I lived in my own gloom, I had forgotten that example. As I awakened, I began to see so many examples of giving, like this experience in the cave. We keep going. We smile when we may not want to, not to be fake, but to have hope. Sharing hope with others is a gift the world needs more of today.

Perhaps you need to learn to see better, or you might just need to learn to let go of defeats and see the lessons from them. I know that you will succeed. There is brightness in you. Have a great week.