Do You Know Stress?

I thought that stress was just something I had to put up with in life. I would let it build, and then I would pop off and release it on someone. Then I felt “better” for a while. But I really didn’t feel better because I had just dumped my junk onto someone else. Usually someone I loved deeply. Those angry words would float through the family or friends for a while, and the stress would build up again.

There is so much in life that can cause stress. One that has been particularly hard on me was how I handled relationship issues. I got mad when something did not go my way. Then the other person would respond in some way that I thought justified my anger. Then I would harbor that anger. Meanwhile, the agitation built up. I would then get mad at myself for feeling the way I did and I would start to beat myself up.

Does it sound familiar yet? I put expectations on others. They didn’t meet them, so I had a reason to stop doing something, or to continue some negative behavior. Justification is such a damaging way to life our lives, but our minds work against what we really want in our goals to keep us in a comfortable familiarity. It feels safer to in in that comfortable place of misery than to go into the better place that is so unfamiliar.

Relationship Destruction

You may have a child or sibling, or maybe even a parent that you have always had contention with whenever you talk. Your heart says to make things better, but you always go back to the destructive behavior that just seems to ruin everything all over again. Suddenly everyone is uptight and you want to run away, or hit something. It’s the good old fight or flight reaction.

I’ve been watching lately as others I know have been going through this pattern. It has raised some feelings of agitation for me too. I want something better for them, but I can’t change them. They have to decide to change.

I recently met a new friend who denied any accountability for his problems. He put them on God or others in his life. He sugar coated the anger and despair, but he would not recognize that for anything to change, he had to start that change. I saw him in his interactions with loved ones deflect and deny. He was damaging those relationships, yet he wanted better but was unwilling to come to terms with his own part in the equation.

Finding Peace And Happiness In Life

I was talking to some friends this morning when I had my own epiphany in regards to how to better deal with stress. I was describing my desires for others to have better relationships and how I was working to improve my through my efforts to improve myself. As we chatted, I commented that being forgiving, loving, and supportive were the only things that I could really do myself to help them change. As I described my breakthrough in thinking, the peace that came to me was overwhelming.

I can’t change others, but as I change myself, I see them differently. This allows me to treat them differently, and I am much more caring and willing to give them time to make those changes I desire for them.

I can also attest that sometimes during that time to change, I come to realize that what needed to change more than anything else was me. Perhaps we need more patience with ourselves than we realize. Giving the benefit of the doubt to someone else often benefits us more.

Finding a way to help others by just loving them is healing to both you and the other party. The anger once harbored can become a source of energy that allows you to accomplish more to benefit others than the need to harbor it. I know I have gotten a lot of dishes clean burning off that energy. In the end, the anger is gone, and I feel better because I accomplished something.

Commit Yourself To Love

You may say that it is too hard to love someone you are struggling with in your life. Don’t buy into that story. You have the ability to do remarkable things, and love is the most powerful emotion to do good. If you want to change your relationships, you can use love to your advantage. The best part is that the advantage is actually to everyone. No one loses when love is your driving intention.

I see how the lack of love my grandfather Doyle felt in his life led him to a miserable life. He couldn’t love others because he didn’t know how to receive it as it was very foreign to him. Knowing that about him has helped me love him more and more. All of us deserve love, but we fear giving it because we think that giving love somehow depletes our reserve. I have found that it really is the opposite. The more I give, the more I have to offer.

Consider that option. Let the stress go and find that sweet joy and peace that will help you overcome obstacles so that you can then move your life and good ambitions forward.

If you would like to discuss overcoming stress further to help you get going in life, contact me