Improve Your Relationship – Learning How To Love

When I proposed to my wife, I thought I loved her. I had known her for four years and we had experienced some ups and downs in our relationship. We had been separated for two of those four years while I lived in Korea.

I learned during that time that she was a true friend to me as she somewhat regularly sent me letters to let me know what she was doing and to encourage me. All the other young ladies who had insisted that they would write me had stopped writing me after the first letter, or at most a year of correspondence.

Our engagement wasn’t perfect, but no relationship is perfect. I still had no idea about love, but I was certainly infatuated. She helped me to be happy, and that was something that I wanted.

Then came marriage. I found that she didn’t think like I did. (I didn’t think like her either, but that was beside the point.) The differences weren’t enough to break us up, but we had our moments of disagreement and pain. There was enough that I liked that I had learned to appreciate some aspects of my wife with something like love.

Then came the kids. My wife’s attention was taken from me. She changed, and I felt less happy because I wasn’t being given the attention I was used to receiving. I grew more distant. As time went on, I continued to pull further and further away, but I perceived it as my wife pulling away from me. I’m sure she was feeling some of the same emotions.

We had come to the point where we were married, but living separate lives. I wanted something different so desperately. I was aching inside. I am a religious man and I did not want to give up on commitments that I had made with my wife and with God. What was I to do?

If this sounds familiar to you, whether you are a man or woman, married or single, the feeling of loss and abandonment is probably familiar. We play out these emotions constantly in our lives. The question remains for each of us, “What do I do about it?”

Well, I happily found an answer that has allowed me to find great joy in my life. I discovered that the problem was not with my wife, it was within me. One thing that I want to make clear is that it was not me. It was within me. I learned how to pull out the problem and find me, which in turn helped my wife to feel closer to me.

What I found was that I needed to stop putting expectations of being happy on someone else. If I want to be happy, I must choose being happy.

Some people say that it is not that easy, but it is that easy. Choose to be happy. Choose to be connected. Does it take practice? Absolutely. When you choose, it gives you power.

I learned to choose to be happy, and I started seeing more of what my wife was doing for me and my kids. I grew to appreciate her more. I chose to be more connected with my wife when I was with her. We talk more and feel safe sharing with each other because we are focused on our conversations.

I will not lead you to believe that I am perfect at it. I do forget to put the phone down and truly listen every now and again. I will get upset at times, but the more I practice being focused on her, the more rich our relationship becomes.

I can say now that I love her more than I ever could have imagined loving her. What’s really cool is that I haven’t figured it all out yet. I know that I will be loving her more in the future. Now there is something to look forward to in your life. I look forward to loving my parents more. Loving my brother more. No relationship has to have an end in building it into a wonderful, joyous experience. Treasure that idea and hold on to it.

There may be hard times in relationships, but when we hold onto the idea that it will be so much more than it is today, it will become more. I encourage you to try it.

If you’d like to learn more about how you can get more out of life, please visit my website, livingtreeconnections.com. You can find information on trainings and products that can help you enhance the life you have. You can also sign up to receive information on events, products and offers. I hope to hear from you soon.

To your happiness and connected life,

Mark Fincher
Chief Mentor
Living Tree Connections