Hate Is A Powerful Word

Have you ever said, “I hate you” to someone? Did you mean it, or were you blowing off steam? Did it really matter what your intention was?

Not only can hateful words hurt others, it will hurt you. When I was a kid, I built up some pretty ugly anger. I’m still working out where it all came from, but it certainly came out on others in a hateful way.

I remember swearing at my brother as we walked home from our bus stop. Thinking back on it, I don’t recall why, I just remember the anger and hate of the moment. I asked for his forgiveness later, but the damage to him was already done. It could not be taken back.

What Damage Are You Causing?

That moment hurt my relationship with my brother. I loved him and looked up to him, but he lost trust in me. I don’t know if he remembers it, but I do. The pain of the experience is something I no longer feel. I have let go of it, but I remember it as a very powerful lesson.

Probably even more damaging was the hate I put on myself from the experience. You cannot hurt others without hurting yourself. Often people say that they don’t care and that it doesn’t matter what they do or say to others, but that lie is also damaging.

Eventually, you may no longer feel any regret or self hate over hurting others, but that takes a lifetime of such behavior to sear one’s conscience to the point of no feeling. The resent that builds in oneself is hard to ignore for too long.

Sometimes the only way one notices all that resentment is in their own poor health. Heartache is truly real, and mental health suffers under the strain of such feelings of hate.

Giving Can Heal Hate

I found that I had to forgive myself to heal those old wounds. Having others forgive me when I asked, even when I didn’t ask, was soothing to my soul. At some point, you will want that forgiveness. It often comes in when you finally want to forgive yourself.

I know that giving forgiveness to my grandfather helped me more than I realized it could. Doyle Fincher was a selfish, childish man. He caused a lot of hurt from his hatred. He caused his own divorce because of hateful words and actions. I had to learn for myself what it meant to give. I could mouth the words, “I forgive you” to him after his death, but it would not carry much meaning until I sincerely wanted to give him my forgiveness.

When I sought to understand him better, I learned a lot that happened in his life. It doesn’t excuse his horrid behavior. He still chose wrong, but I understood much better, and I learned to love him despite his flaws. That was new for me.

I still learn things about him that upset me, but then I remember that I love him, and I can let go of the hurt and give some more. This is something he did not receive much in his life, and I know that he appreciates my forgiveness.

Who Do You Need To Forgive?

There are probably some in your life that may need that forgiveness that takes some real effort to give. More than likely, you are first in the list. If you are not, you either understand what I am writing about, or you may not be fully in touch with your own feelings. Think on that a bit.

If there is someone who has caused lot of hurt in your life, consider what it can do for you if you give to them what only you can give. Holding on to your own sense of hate is hurting you. Let it go.

If you want to understand more, I encourage you to learn more from my experience with my grandfather. It has been a fascinating experience to learn from myself. I share it for the benefits of others.