I often felt so alone because the term belong was a negative. I thought, “I don’t belong,” “He belongs but I feel alone” constantly as I grew up. Choosing to be alone is hard on any person, but a child or youth that feels that is where he belongs is a tragedy. Far too often in our society this is the norm.

The Problem

Belonging comes from your ability to see yourself as part of the group. So how do you see yourself in a group? Look at it from the perspective of an individual. What does it take to feel comfortable in a group? It takes confidence. You need to be confident that you are safe within the group. A sort of confidence that you are allowed to be your authentic self.

Too often you want to join a group, but the sense of belonging escapes you. You worry about what others think of you. It can become a circular pattern. You want acceptance, but you worry that others do not accept you. It seems to be an unbeatable cycle. That is the idea that debilitates you.

Belong Before You Want to Join

This idea may stretch your mind, but stick with me. When you choose into the mindset that you belong before you ever want to join a group, it gives you confidence that others can feel. If you approach a group, whether friends or those who are new to you, and you have the feeling that you don’t fit in, you will bring a mental state that causes you to act in a way that the group senses that you don’t belong.

How do I know this? Well, I have done this to myself more times than I can recall. I work at catching myself when I approach a group to see where I am at in my relationship with myself before I consider how the group might regard me.

Sometimes it is hard to recognize where I am at. Every now and again, I find that I am beating myself up before I ever open my mouth. Despite not saying anything verbally, I have already told them what they want to know. “Does he fit in?”

Setting the Mindset

Finding the power to tell myself that I belong is not always easy, but it is something that I work at constantly. To you it may seem a lie to say that you belong, but if you won’t tell yourself that you belong, are you going to keep waiting for someone else to be kind enough to say it? Start telling yourself that you will belong and you will find others who want to include you. They will be good people. They will be people with similar confidence.

I find it interesting that as I work on my mindset, I see how much people want to include me. I recommend a couple of my training CDs that help with that confidence. The first is my journey in healing my relationship with my grandfather whom I never knew. I learned to love others who are not perfect. That helped me recognize that I need to love myself too. The second is my experiences in learning how to see things around me more clearly. It really opened my eyes to what I had been missing in life.

I know that you belong. You are good and have a lot to offer to others. When you learn that you do belong, life will be fantastic.