As a child, I would often lash out at others and in the process, I ended up hurting them. That occurred at both a physical and emotional level. In the first grade, I remember hurting the biggest kid in my class in a fight. I have no idea what the fight was about, but I remember watching his head hit the brick wall behind him as I punched him. I was out of control and lashing out, and then something interesting happened. In an instant, I saw him start to cry, and my soul immediately deflated. I had hurt him, and I felt bad about that. I swore I wouldn’t hurt anyone else.

Living up to that promise was not doable as a child. I don’t recall physically hurting someone on purpose after that, other than my brother, but I still lashed out. How I did that changed.

Lashing and Hurting

Rather than hurting others physically, I really started lashing out in emotional and mental ways. I used intellect as a weapon. Why? I hurt inside, so I let it out. I didn’t want to be mean, but I had no coping method that really bound my wounds.

So why do I talk about lashing? There are a couple of ways to look at that word in this context. You can lash as with a whip. That is certainly a way that hurts. I just watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade with my family as my oldest daughter had never seen it. We felt we needed to remedy that situation. In the opening scenes, Indy grabs a whip for the first time in his life to keep a lion at bay. He ends up hitting himself to begin with and then learns how to use the tool properly. The intend of lashing in that sense is to hurt or keep something away.

The other form means to bind or hold fast. That lash is to create strength or allow for healing such as in pioneering and first aid. As you bind things together properly, strength is created, poles and beams are stabilized and support created, broken bones are immobilized, and dressings are kept in place.

Finding the Source of Behavior

I really focus on finding the sources of behaviors in my life. It comes down to being able to see. What I am unaware of has the ability to control me, but when I am aware, I have choice. Freedom is not about doing whatever you want, it is about having a choice to do what you want. Some choices lead to a lack of freedom, others to additional freedom.

I know that as you look for the sources of your behavior, you will find that there were choices that created a memory or pattern that is still effecting you all the time. For example, why do you like to eat what you eat when stressed or upset? Is comfort food from your childhood tied to it or is it a pattern you developed as an adult? As you find those sources, you can start to deal with them and free yourself to start making informed decisions about your life. That will then allow you to start lashing in a healing and supportive way so that your life is on a strong foundation.

I encourage you to start looking for those things in your life that you want to make changes to move forward in so you can get the results you really want in life. Look at just one behavior and see what you find. Let me know how it goes.