Battered Character

Have you ever had someone question your character? It is not unusual to have had that happen at some point during your life. I was once accused of cheating in school along with several other students by a teacher. Everyone involved, students, teachers, administrators, and parents, did a poor job of managing their emotions which resulted in a lot of hard, ugly feelings. Some of those involved may still be harboring ill feelings from those events. Remarkably, I chose to look at the teacher from a different perspective. Perhaps it was because I really liked the teacher.

In the end, all of us had an opportunity to prove ourselves again. Most were able to do so, some, not so much. In the end, it was determined that no one had cheated, but that an advantage had been gained, so proving ourselves was important to resolving the issue of a grade.

What had bothered me most in the whole episode was the question of my character. Though I felt vindicated in relation to my grade, I always felt a bit of a twinge in relation to my character. That was uncomfortable. It also caused me to seriously assess decisions I made from then on in order to protect my character. I haven’t been perfect, but that experience really shaped my character.

Better Character = Better Life

So, what of character? What do you want it to be? I think that I went overboard in some aspects of my life. I made others miserable with all the rules I lived by, and thus expected others to do the same. One focus was that I also worked on traits that helped others to trust me in some ways.

One trait I developed in life was using sarcasm. That trait I thought was fine, but the feelings it left behind were anything but fine. I cut people down all the time. I also cut myself down. When I chose to change that trait, my life got better. It got better because I like myself better, and I like others better. It created a mind-shift within me. This is a shift that I like. Others like me more too.

Adding characteristics that you like in others into your own personality is powerful. There will be some who say that you cannot do this. Fine. That is their story and they can keep it. I choose to believe that I can change, and I am doing it. I am more confident and bold. Others have noticed that I am more outgoing and fun loving. When I see a trait I like, I take note of it. I add it to my want list, and then I work at obtaining it.

Feelings Pushing the Limits

As I said in the beginning, I did not harbor ill feelings toward that teacher. I had respect for her and her integrity. I knew that she had been mistaken in her perception of events, but that did not make her bad. In the end, the students resolved the issue, but what was not resolved in all cases were the feelings attached to the events. It took me a while to let go of the anger and hurt, but because I chose to look at it from a different perspective, the process was much faster.

In much the same way, the feelings we attach to traits we want can either help or hinder us in developing that trait. Focus on having positive feelings about characteristics you want to develop. What we say and think about them has an impact on our ability to nurture them.

If you say, “I could never be bold,” you won’t become bold. Should you want to be positive in your outlook, you cannot continue to allow yourself to see everything as a downer. You will want to practice seeing the bright side. Forgive yourself when you falter. Tell yourself you will be better next time. Hold your faith in yourself, and you will start to see changes. It is not an overnight experience. It takes work, as anything worthwhile does.