I’ve been terribly hurt in my life. Who hasn’t? It comes down to a choice. Do I stay in that hurt, or do I choose to become a healer?

When I woke up to the fact that I am in charge of my life, I had a rude awakening. I was blaming others for so much of what I had been doing that I was causing pain in others and I was callous about it. I often had the thought that they deserved the pain. To say that I was mean and unforgiving would be an understatement.

How to Forgive

It may seem strange to think of it this way, but I first had to forgive myself. If I really wanted to forgive others, I had to forgive myself, or I would hold that resentment and anger. When we hold those emotions, the emotion works like a fungus that moves it tentacles into areas that are clear. If we don’t clear it out, it grows back.

Choosing to forgive yourself actually helps others. It helps in a lot of ways. Until you have tried it, you may not see it for the power it holds. I know I didn’t. Together, forgiving self and others is mighty powerful.

While you work on forgiving yourself, you will find ample opportunity to forgive others. It comes naturally in the process. First, look at your offenses and recognize that it was a mistake. Then, recognize that you can do things differently in the future. Second, commit to making changes so you will do things differently. Third, celebrate what you are already doing well in making those changes. Often you will find that you made many of those changes long ago.

Becoming a Healer

I found that when I started looking to forgive myself, I wanted others to have the same transition. I learned that helping others was a great way to help heal myself. Perhaps it is that there is some responsibility in giving back what we receive in life. Don’t expect others to change if you are not willing to do so. When you make that effort, you will find that life just gets better because of your attitude.

See Seeking a Better Relationship

I have worked for years to deal with the hurt I felt from the lack of a grandfather who was never a part of my life. When I started to work on that relationship, I found that I had more strength than I had given myself credit. I took that opportunity to share what I had learned. It turned into a training that I recorded so others could gain from what I had learned. I wanted to be a healer.

It is called Stories of My Grandfather: How an Imperfect Man Helped Me Become Better. I encourage you to take a look.

In the end, what we choose to do in life is what we get from life. I choose to forgive and help others. It has made my life much more blissful. I hope you will choose in too.